How To Manifest A High Vibrational Lover!
The year was 2016. I found myself newly single, fresh out of a 2.5 year relationship. It’s funny, when I was in the relationship I was hellbent on making it work. I had this idea in my mind that because we were a certain age, and because we got along and had some things in common, that it meant we should work toward marriage.
I frequently found myself so ultra-focused on the future of the relationship, and my desire to be wanted by a man, that I’d forget to look at whether or not I was even happy in the present moment, or whether I wanted him. I spent at least a year and a half of that relationship in complete denial, pretending that things were working when they absolutely weren’t.
One of the biggest issues within the relationship was the fact that it was not sexual. It started out sexual, but the fire quickly burned itself out within 3 months, and after a few awkward and utterly discouraging attempts to have a conversation about it, we stopped addressing it altogether and became more like buddies than boyfriend/girlfriend.
Have you ever experienced that? The phenomenon of being more like roommates, or buddies, than lovers?
I remember feeling deeply rejected, unworthy, and unsexy, wondering if he was even one bit attracted to me. I’m sure it didn’t feel good for him either. And yet, we stayed together and continued to not do anything about it. Every day I woke up and chose to stay in that relationship, was a day that I woke up and chose to repress myself.
If I had known what I know now, I would’ve left the relationship a LOT sooner, and quite honestly I probably never would’ve entered the relationship to begin with. But what that relationship taught me is that it’s non-negotiable for me to be in relationship with a LOVER, and it’s non-negotiable for sexuality to be a central focus of my romantic relationships. I don’t feel like myself when I’m repressing my sexuality, and I don’t feel like my *best* self when I’m not fully sexually expressed.
One of the reasons why I do the coaching and healing work that I do is because of the downright shitty relationships I’ve participated in. I didn’t know how mediocre they were at the time. When it comes to relationships, a lot of times we don’t know better until we know better, but fortunately, the negative experiences we have in relationships are oftentimes the biggest and best catalysts for our growth and evolution.
As a woman, it means the world to me to feel sexy, supported, stimulated and deeply connected. It’s taken me a bit of experience to understand that about myself, and to figure out how to effortlessly have it. My guess is if you’re reading this, you want more for yourself in your relationships, too, and you haven’t quite seen it yet, or figured out how to experience it yet either. The good news is, there’s help and there’s hope, and the whole process of healing and growing in this way enhances every single other area of your life, too.
So…what exactly is a high vibrational lover? Well, that’s for you to decide and define. Everybody is unique and has a unique vision of what is attractive, what turns them on, and what feels dreamy. In general, a high vibrational lover is one who is healed/healing, balanced, operating from their core energy (masculine or feminine), confident, shares similar values, cares about honoring the sacredness of the container the two of you create for the relationship, and is invested in the sexual/intimate/romantic aspect of the relationship.
This is more than just a person who you are compatible with. This is a person who is willing to go to the depths with you, willing to work through the shit that comes up between the two of you, and desires to co-create a relationship with you that is extraordinary!
Even if you have never ever seen this kind of relationship or partner before, he/she/it exists and it is 100% possible for you to experience. Here are the steps that I consider to be imperative to manifesting this kind of high vibrational lover into your life, and spoiler alert: they all have to do with your own mindset, actions, clarity, and responsibility:
Get crystal clear on your current situation, beliefs & patterns:
List your beliefs around love, sex, men, women, beauty, and your body. Ask yourself if each of those beliefs are serving you, and if they’re truly what you believe. If they’re not serving you, get rid of them!
List out the experiences you’ve had around love, sex and dating. List out what happened, and see if you notice any common threads or patterns among various partners and experiences. List what you’ve loved about your experiences, what turned you off, what disappointed you, and what could’ve made them more ideal. Remember, you can’t break your own spells if you’re unaware or in denial of them.
Clarify your relationship vision, values, non-negotiables & desires:
Write your love story as if it’s already happened. Envision yourself living your love story, and feel in your body what it feels like to be living it.
List out all the attributes and qualities you want in a partner, and why those attributes and qualities are important to you.
List out what absolutely needs to be present in your relationship in order for you to commit, be intimate, etc., and what you absolutely will not tolerate.
Heal & integrate your sacred masculine energy:
Learn to trust yourself, hold space for yourself as you navigate emotions, meet yourself in your own depths, see all of yourself, hear all of yourself, and clearly understand who you are, what you bring to the table, and how to take really good care of yourself.
Create a strong sense of safety, security & purpose within yourself.
Become completely emotionally available for yourself and others (with strong boundaries as needed).
Heal & embody your sacred feminine energy:
Develop an intimate relationship with your body through the practices of breast massage, yoni gazing, yoni massage, and dance.
Allow yourself to have days, or significant moments where you rest and do absolutely nothing, all by yourself.
Become really good at receiving compliments and gifts.
Fall deeply in love with your community, the way you’d like to fall in love with a new lover, and generously give of yourself to your community.
Develop a relationship with your Womb & her cycles.
Heal & integrate your divine sexuality:
Clear your past sexual shame by understanding the root of the shame, and by practicing forgiveness (of yourself, those you did you wrong, those who passed beliefs down to you).
Create a consistent self-pleasure practice where you seduce yourself, get in touch with your sexuality, learn how to touch yourself, and explore the different types of archetypes and orgasms.
Allow yourself to feel turned on by life itself by connecting the feeling of pleasure to all the you do, especially the mundane moments of life.
Learn to channel your sexual energy & desire into creative projects & your spiritual practice.
As you can see, the nature of attracting a high vibrational lover, and co-creating a high vibrational/high caliber relationship, is something that requires a lot of you. It is not a quick fix, or a bandaid situation. It requires your devotion to living life in such a way that you’re upholding a higher caliber and level of awareness within yourself. It requires you to heal & uphold that which you wish for a partner to have healed & to uphold.
If you do all of these things, or at least begin to, you will start to shift your own vibration, and consequently start to tune into a higher vibration of reality (there are higher levels of reality available to you right here on earth!). In this higher vibration of reality, you will actually start to notice and have access to a higher caliber of partner. There is an abundance of them right in front of you right now, but if you’re not a vibrational match to them, you won’t notice them, and you won’t be able to handle them yet. It’s like if your radio is tuned to 94.5, you won’t hear what’s being played on 101.3. Do you see what I mean?
You deserve love, and you deserve the exact version of love that you envision in your wildest, wildest dreams. If you haven’t seen it modeled before, it’s because you’re meant to create it and model it for others.
We go deeper into all of these steps when you come mentor with me in my 3-month program, and you receive luxurious support all along the way as well. Do you feel the call in your heart and body to dive in? Book a free call with me here and we can chat!