The conversation that changed my love life forever.

A few months ago I got called out for something I’ll never forget. Unbeknownst to me, I was upholding a negative, and completely false belief system about men, and I was projecting that belief system onto my world. Consequently, I was attracting in only the kinds of men who fit into the mold I had set.

Somewhere in my life, I learned that men did not like to connect. I learned that men did not have the emotional capacity to want to connect with themselves or to their own emotions, and that they certainly did not desire to connect with other members of their community, or to participate in committed romantic relationships. I think I learned this from the men that I grew up with. Or from what my friends at school told me. Or maybe in a past life. Either way, I developed this belief about men, and I believed it to a fault for 28 years - so much so, that I was only attracting in romantic relationships with men who did not desire to connect deeply. I found myself in relationship after relationship with men who leaned on alcohol and other substances to escape, who constantly said “no” to physical and emotional intimacy, and who would not even entertain the idea of having a conversation about the future of our relationship.

A few months ago, the men at my gym hosted a guy’s night, where they lifted weights together and then went across the street to a bar to have beers and conversation. In my mind, I thought the whole idea for this event was so silly, because why would men want to come together and connect in a positive way and get to know one another?! The joke was on me.

As it turns out, the event had an amazing turnout, and all the guys bonded and had a great time together. I was completely shocked by this. In conversation with one of my male coworkers (who also happens to be one of my closest friends), I expressed how shocked I was by the turnout of the event, because I thought that guys didn’t care about stuff like that. He asked me “stuff like what? Like, guys have no emotions and don’t want to connect with people ever?”

Actually, yes. I did think this. This is a belief that’s been in my system for as long as I can remember. He then advised that maybe if I would quit projecting my negative views onto *all* men, that maybe I would be pleasantly surprised with what I found.

This was a huge wakeup call for me. I had no idea that I had been holding onto this belief, and that it was affecting all my relationships with men in a very big way.

The best news is that everything starts with awareness. Having this conversation with my coworker drew my attention to what I had previously been oblivious to, so that I could take responsibility for it, process it, decide that it was not my personal truth, and unravel it.

I now understand, to my deepest core, that all men are human who have feelings and want to connect. I now see the emotional potential in all the men that I come in contact with (whether it’s obvious or not), and I am able to manifest the greatest of men into my life with ease.